The last time I saw my cousin Kerry was last summer at his brother's wedding. It was such a wonderful time...that beautiful July weekend, when it seemed as if life couldn't get any better for our family. After the celebration was over and we all went back to our normal day-to-day routines, I basked in the happiness on the faces of my family, both in pictures and memories. This was the last time I saw Kerry. This was the last time I hugged Kerry. This was the last time I got to hear Kerry's infectious laugh. This was the last time I was touched by Kerry's genuine smile. Over the past few days I have played our last conversation over and over again in my head, wondering if there was something else I should have said or something more I could have done. Could I have hugged Kerry a little longer? Squeezed him extra tight? Should I have told him I lived him just one more time?
When I find myself getting overwhelmed with unanswered questions, I try to remind myself there were reasons Kerry smiled all the time and had such an infectious laugh. It was because Kerry Queen loved life. He found joy in the smallest of victories (from getting up on one water ski on a hot summer day on Thomas Pond, to devouring an overloaded plate of Gram Seavey's Blueberry Supreme, to winning a St. Dom's hockey game). What Kerry didn't do, was spend time dwelling on his bad days. He was incredibly optimistic and looked forward to each day with bright eyes and an open mind.
I can only imagine how this disaster has affected each and every one of you here today. The untimely death of such a young and beautiful person is a tragedy that truly is any family's nightmare. I, like all of you in this room, am doing my best to endure this incredible loss and the following is how I will keep a little piece of Kerry Queen with me forever. I've made a vow to do one thing every day that reminds me of Kerry. I'm going to make the most honest of efforts to look at life through his eyes by taking the time to smell the roses and count my blessings. I'm going to tell those closest to me how important they are, and how much their love and support has enriched my life. I'm going to remind myself every day that I am a lucky girl.
I've made this vow to help me come to terms with the fact I never got the chance to openly and honestly tell Kerry how much I loved him. I hope with all my heart he knows how proud I am of him and how much he inspired me. Lastly, I'm doing this for my cousin Kerry because he will never get another chance to share his happiness with us. And as the people that meant the most to him and those whose lives were changed by him, we have a responsibility to honor Kerry's life and the joy he shared with all he met.
I thank each and every one of you for coming to support our family during this heartbreaking time. Your love, thoughts, prayers, and support mean the world to us, and especially to my Aunt Robyn, Uncle Tom, and Ryan. I speak on behalf of my family in saying we appreciate everything you have done for us. Please know, without a doubt, that we could not get through this without you.
Today we lay to rest a remarkable son, grandson, brother, nephew, cousin, uncle, and most importantly, person. I ask that you hold a special place in your heart for Kerry. Today, tomorrow, and always.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
Amanda and Ryan Queen
This is the speech I wrote as Amanda's Maid of Honor in her wedding to my cousin Ryan this summer. I've been meaning to post it for a while and I'm finally getting around to it as the date of the birth of their first child, a baby boy, is quickly approaching. I'm so excited for our family to be growing! Here's to them and the wonderful future that awaits them :)
...
In this family, if there's one title I hold dear to my heart it is the title of being 'the only girl'. I've grown up being protected, loved, and cherished by my four wonderful cousins, with Ryan holding a special place in my heart.
I have always had a special closeness and friendship with Ryan, so as we grew up I took a special interest in his 'romantic' choices. I can honestly say it is my pleasure and honor to welcome Amanda into our family.
I met Amanda when I was 16 and through all the trials and tribulations of being a teenager, Amanda always came back to Ryan's mind and when describing what his 'perfect girl' would be, it was clear Amanda was his perfect match.
Over the years I have had many conversations with Amanda and have learned that she is and will continue to grow into being an incredible woman, and an incredible match for Ryan.
One your wedding day I am proud to stand by your side as not only your Maid of Honor, but as your newly acquired sister, whether you like it or not. I look forward to having you in my life, and also as an important part of this family. I truly believe you bring the best out in Ryan and make him want to be a better man, and that is the essence of true love.
I wish you both many years of happiness and all the joy this world has to offer. If there were any two people that deserve these blessings, it would be the two of you.
Welcome to our family.
...
In this family, if there's one title I hold dear to my heart it is the title of being 'the only girl'. I've grown up being protected, loved, and cherished by my four wonderful cousins, with Ryan holding a special place in my heart.
I have always had a special closeness and friendship with Ryan, so as we grew up I took a special interest in his 'romantic' choices. I can honestly say it is my pleasure and honor to welcome Amanda into our family.
I met Amanda when I was 16 and through all the trials and tribulations of being a teenager, Amanda always came back to Ryan's mind and when describing what his 'perfect girl' would be, it was clear Amanda was his perfect match.
Over the years I have had many conversations with Amanda and have learned that she is and will continue to grow into being an incredible woman, and an incredible match for Ryan.
One your wedding day I am proud to stand by your side as not only your Maid of Honor, but as your newly acquired sister, whether you like it or not. I look forward to having you in my life, and also as an important part of this family. I truly believe you bring the best out in Ryan and make him want to be a better man, and that is the essence of true love.
I wish you both many years of happiness and all the joy this world has to offer. If there were any two people that deserve these blessings, it would be the two of you.
Welcome to our family.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Sunday Groceries
today (12/4/11) i'm thankful for: groceries. there is nothing quite like the emotional roller coaster that is grocery shopping...there's the worrying about how much money i'm hopefully going to make on sundays for groceries, which can be stressful seeing as i HATE working sundays and it's written ALL over my face, which can then reflect upon my tips. then there's the going home to change my clothes part, which i must do because i hate walking around in public in my OG garb, but i hate to do because once i'm home i hate to leave again, especially after i've been on my feet for 5 hours. then there's the part where i NEVER bring my debit card into the store, therefore limiting my desire to go crazy and buy everything, but when i'm checking out i'm always afraid i won't have enough cash on me and i hate being the douche that holds everyone else up in line while i make a mad dash to my car to get my card. then i have to load then consequently unload my car and walk all my groceries up to my 3rd floor apartment (i hate this part so much i attempt to strap all the bags onto one arm and do it all in one trip, which can be quite humorous for my neighbors i'm sure. it's especially funny when i get to the second flight of stairs and for some reason the first step is just about an inch higher than all the other steps and i trip on it 97% of the time). then after i put all the groceries away, i have to go back down to my car and park it in the parking lot in order to abide by bangor's winter parking laws).*
all of this, from leaving my apartment to parking my car, takes about an two hours.
but...there is NOTHING like sitting on the couch, with a full fridge, and the next two days off. for as much stress as sundays can, and often are, for me, i love this feeling of being able to provide for myself and two cats more than just about anything. sundays stress me the fuck out, but they also reassure i'm doing okay :) although i do have plans for the next couple days, i could potentially get stuck/choose to stay in my apartment for the next 48 consecutive hours my family wouldn't go hungry...and that is a feeling to be thankful for.
*a second trip may or may not be necessary on any given week if the girls are in need of either food or litter...both of these items require a solo trip down and up my stairs due to their odd packaging or weight (i lugged a 38 lb box of litter up here about a couple weeks ago and that i know would have been hilarious to watch)
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Loyalty
'There's only one thing I value and that's loyalty. Without it you are nothing and have no one.' - Ides of March
Movie night could not have come at a better time. I was long overdue for a night with my best friend. Fall is such a ridiculously busy time for both of us so when we get a night to see each other we jump at the opportunity. Before we went out I told my friend some information I had heard through a reliable source because I thought my friend deserved to know. The information I had to tell him was hurtful and disrespectful and if he had found out similar information, (that someone was telling people something about me that was under no circumstances true). I would sure as hell want to know.
This is where loyalty comes into play. Through all of my ups and downs this past year, this friend has stood by me. I have been distant and he has found me, again and again, reminding me that I am better than my current situation and he, through example, teaches me to cherish each and every day. Although we don't speak daily, (with the exception of social network communication, which to me does not constitute actually conversation), I would drop everything to be there for him in any way I can. He has taught me how to be a great friend and he makes me want to be the best person I can be. The best part about this relationship, is that I know he would do exactly the same thing for me. We are loyal to each other and because we have this unspoken understanding, I will do all I can to protect him.
People have come and gone in my life, especially in the last year, but I know he will always be there. I can rely on our friendship and its numerous rewarding qualities. Without him, and the loyalty of best friends, I would most certainly feel alone. I'm in northern Maine, with my closest family two hours south, and my mom and brother all the way out in Ohio. I need all the friends I can get. When I'm lucky enough to find someone who really cares about other people, and especially about me, I can't help but want to surround myself with them as much as possible.
After a tiring 40-hour work week and a pile of bills to be paid, it can be very easy to feel as if my life will become nothing more than living paycheck to paycheck. At these moments, it is tough not to feel as if I have nothing...that although I ybusted my ass all week, I'm still at square one and although my bills are paid, I still can't afford to get ahead. It's a very discouraging feeling. When I'm feeling like this I like to look through pictures of me and my friends, to remind myself that although my bank account isn't bursting, my heart is. My friends are incredible.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, fuck with my friends. They are extremely important to me and when they hurt, I hurt. When you talk shit about them, hurt them in any way, or are generally rude to the people I care about, that is NOT okay with me. If you choose to act this way, I will lose all respect I may have for you. Talking about someone, spewing facts wherever you deem appropriate, is childish and just plain annoying and is a waste of everyone's time. I am an adult and would prefer to act like one. I don't understand how or why people think it is okay to randomly pick labels out of the sky and paste them onto people they don't know well enough to label. Especially when the person handing out labels is doing so incorrectly with no mind for how things would turn out if they got caught improperly labeling. For the record, there are and should always be consequences for you actions, especially those that hurt others
Although one of my personal mantras is to not get angry at those that hurt or upset me because the time I spend on letting them get to me is time I've lost and will never get back. Haters, you are not worth my time and I have no time for you in my life or the lives of my friends. I realize I may have put my two cents where it doesn't belong in the above situation, but he's my friend and I'm gonna protect him and if that makes me wrong, I don't wanna be right.
Movie night could not have come at a better time. I was long overdue for a night with my best friend. Fall is such a ridiculously busy time for both of us so when we get a night to see each other we jump at the opportunity. Before we went out I told my friend some information I had heard through a reliable source because I thought my friend deserved to know. The information I had to tell him was hurtful and disrespectful and if he had found out similar information, (that someone was telling people something about me that was under no circumstances true). I would sure as hell want to know.
This is where loyalty comes into play. Through all of my ups and downs this past year, this friend has stood by me. I have been distant and he has found me, again and again, reminding me that I am better than my current situation and he, through example, teaches me to cherish each and every day. Although we don't speak daily, (with the exception of social network communication, which to me does not constitute actually conversation), I would drop everything to be there for him in any way I can. He has taught me how to be a great friend and he makes me want to be the best person I can be. The best part about this relationship, is that I know he would do exactly the same thing for me. We are loyal to each other and because we have this unspoken understanding, I will do all I can to protect him.
People have come and gone in my life, especially in the last year, but I know he will always be there. I can rely on our friendship and its numerous rewarding qualities. Without him, and the loyalty of best friends, I would most certainly feel alone. I'm in northern Maine, with my closest family two hours south, and my mom and brother all the way out in Ohio. I need all the friends I can get. When I'm lucky enough to find someone who really cares about other people, and especially about me, I can't help but want to surround myself with them as much as possible.
After a tiring 40-hour work week and a pile of bills to be paid, it can be very easy to feel as if my life will become nothing more than living paycheck to paycheck. At these moments, it is tough not to feel as if I have nothing...that although I ybusted my ass all week, I'm still at square one and although my bills are paid, I still can't afford to get ahead. It's a very discouraging feeling. When I'm feeling like this I like to look through pictures of me and my friends, to remind myself that although my bank account isn't bursting, my heart is. My friends are incredible.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, fuck with my friends. They are extremely important to me and when they hurt, I hurt. When you talk shit about them, hurt them in any way, or are generally rude to the people I care about, that is NOT okay with me. If you choose to act this way, I will lose all respect I may have for you. Talking about someone, spewing facts wherever you deem appropriate, is childish and just plain annoying and is a waste of everyone's time. I am an adult and would prefer to act like one. I don't understand how or why people think it is okay to randomly pick labels out of the sky and paste them onto people they don't know well enough to label. Especially when the person handing out labels is doing so incorrectly with no mind for how things would turn out if they got caught improperly labeling. For the record, there are and should always be consequences for you actions, especially those that hurt others
Although one of my personal mantras is to not get angry at those that hurt or upset me because the time I spend on letting them get to me is time I've lost and will never get back. Haters, you are not worth my time and I have no time for you in my life or the lives of my friends. I realize I may have put my two cents where it doesn't belong in the above situation, but he's my friend and I'm gonna protect him and if that makes me wrong, I don't wanna be right.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Music assures me that I am not crazy, stupid, abnormal, or weird.
Today I'm thankful for the ability to purchase, listen, and appreciate the music that speaks to me. There is simply nothing better than spending a rainy October afternoon jamming to a custom-made playlist entitled 'I'm Worth It' (all while enjoying the company of my two beautiful cats, a fridge full of food I paid for, in an apartment I pay for, in a city full of friends that love me). It's a collaboration of songs meant to reassure me I'm awesome and it works.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
America Songs
I was wrong. It didn't make me cry.
Thanks Josh.
'And Uncle Sam put your name on the top of his list and the Statue of Liberty started shakin' her fist...' - Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue by Toby Keith.
Why do patriotic songs always have the most ridiculous lyrics and can't help but make me giggle under my breath? Does it make me a bad American if I don't want to cruise around town with my windows down crankin' these songs on a day like today? Instead I choose to blog about it in hopes that someone else out there feels the same way.
Thanks Josh.
'And Uncle Sam put your name on the top of his list and the Statue of Liberty started shakin' her fist...' - Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue by Toby Keith.
Why do patriotic songs always have the most ridiculous lyrics and can't help but make me giggle under my breath? Does it make me a bad American if I don't want to cruise around town with my windows down crankin' these songs on a day like today? Instead I choose to blog about it in hopes that someone else out there feels the same way.
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